Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the condom got lost in my hair
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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