this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize