We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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