I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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