it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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