Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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