we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
