Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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