Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
