The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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