Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
