so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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