it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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