cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
