Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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