I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
