I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
