it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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