he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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