There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
