Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
