90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
