Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
