dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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