WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
