i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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