but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
