i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
