Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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