the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize