it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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