This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
