For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
