if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
