I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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