she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
