I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
