He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
