i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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