how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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