I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
