I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
