my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
