Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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