The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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