so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
