Who wears a wallet chain?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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