Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
