What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
