Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
