We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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