I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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