Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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