I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
