You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
