Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
