he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
