I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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