Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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