I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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