i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize