Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
