You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
