My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
