The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
