Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
