those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
