i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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