so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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