I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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