Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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