It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
