what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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