What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
