The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize